Our dear Focusing friend, Christine Langeveld, passed away yesterday. I have so many fond memories of Christine and her partner, Erna de Bruijn. I met them at a workshop they gave at my first international Focusing Conference in Asilomar, California in 2002. They showed me the power of doing an attunement with the body, then asking “What drew you here?” as a way into the felt sense. They also taught me “Er hoeft niets“, or “there is nothing that you have to do.” People new to Focusing have a hard time understanding that it’s OK to be oneself. You don’t have to obey or conform to an inflexible conceptual framework. Your felt sense of a situation eventually makes clear your right next step, and nobody can tell you what that must be.
I visited Erna and Christine at their home in The Hague in 2013. They had arranged for me to give a workshop in Nonviolent Communication, so we set up tables in their flower-filled garden, and friends came to play the Feelings and Needs card game. Here’s a picture of Christine playing with my homemade cards.
I brought with me jackal and giraffe ears. in NVC, the Jackal diagnoses, labels, blames and doesn’t listen for feelings and needs in itself or others. The Giraffe listens with compassion, wanting to understand the beautiful human needs beneath the conflict. Erna and Christine played with the ears, taking on the role of Jackal and Giraffe. Here’s a fake fight, with Christine wearing the ears of the compassionate NVC Giraffe while Erna acts out the combative Jackal.
Christine had a droll sense of humor that made her fun to be around.
At my third international Focusing conference in Montreal in 2008, Christine wrote and performed a charming and delightful song inspired by …….. reading the list of Focusing Institute members around the world. Until recently, that “little book” was published every year and sent to the members. Now there are so many members, the little book has become too big to print and send to everyone. Now, people use focusing.org to find member contact information.
In 2022, after she had been very ill, Christine came back to life. The 2022 Weeklong was coming up, and we asked Christine if she still had the words to her 2008 song. To our delight, she made a recording of the song, accompanied by her brother on the piano. Here is a transcript, made by Aaffien de Vries. First she speaks and then she sings:
Below are the names and countries of the people mentioned, for the benefit of those who are newer to Focusing or who didn’t get a chance to come to Montreal. Please correct any mistakes. Sadly, six of them are not with us anymore: Mary, Gene, Bala, Bebe, Lucy, Christel. Maybe Christine will be reunited with them soon.
Mary Hendricks Gendlin, US
Mako Hikasa, Japan
Lynn Preston, US
Melinda Darer, US
Gene Gendlin, US
Marine de Freminville, Canada
Nada Lou, Canada
Bala Jaison, Canada
Bebe Simon, US
Beatrice Blake, US
Nicoletta Corsetti, Italy
Atsmaout Perlstein, Israel
Paul Huschilt, Canada
Kevin McEvenue, Canada
Jack Blackburn US?
Elena Frezza, Argentina
Peter Afford, UK
Rob Foxcroft, UK or Rob Parker US?
Doralee Grindler Katonah, US
Bernadette Lamboy, Canada
Lucy Bowers, Canada
Christel Kraft, Canada
Olivier Gourmet, Belgium
Robert Lee, US
Katsuko Usui, Japan
Akira Ikemi, Japan
Susan Rudnick, US
Joan Klagsbrun, US
Ann Weiser Cornell, US
Barbara McGavin, UK
Mieko Osawa, Japan
Denis Archambault?
Solange St-Pierre, Canada
Robin Kappy, US
Frans Depestele, Belgium
Patricia Manessy, Canada
Mary Jeanne Larrabee, US
Nina Joy Lawrence, US
Aaffien DeVries, Netherlands
Akiko Doi, Japan
Farewell, Christine. Much love to Erna and the Dutch Focusing community.